


lemongrass and sleep

by rosamonds



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-20 02:58:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20668181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosamonds/pseuds/rosamonds
Summary: druck hates women but i love hanna so here we are. Can't make any promises on how completed this is going to be.





	lemongrass and sleep

**Author's Note:**

> druck hates women but i love hanna so here we are. Can't make any promises on how completed this is going to be.

SAMSTAG 18:47

I watch Jonas as he uncaps yet another bottle of beer, he sees me and asks if I want one. I shake my head absentmindedly. It’s been a month since we got back together. At first it was great, like being 16 again. We went on dates, went to the park, it was like having my best friend back. I thought this time I’d get it right. This time we would last. But I’m tired. We sit in his garden, he lazily practices the guitar while I scroll through instagram. I feel stuck. Alone.  
“What?” he asks and drawing me out of my thoughts. I study his face. There’s something about him, he’s not a school boy anymore, hasn’t been for a long time. I guess I hadn’t realised just how much he’s changed. He’s growing a beard, he’s taller, broader, he goes to work and comes home and drinks beer. I can’t recognise him. When did everyone grow up? Why haven’t I?  
“Jonas, I-” and I don’t know how to say what I’m going to say next.  
“Yeah.” He says, sadly, “I know, Hanna.” Something pulls in my stomach, I feel a lump rising in my throat.  
“I just, I can’t” I manage to get out and he puts his head in his hands. “Im sorry, really, I think, I think I just needed- I needed to do this right, you know? I’ve been holding on to so much guilt about us, I wanted to get together without the cheating, the insecurity, but- I can’t anymore.” I blurt out. A long silence follows, he won’t look at me.  
“Hanna, did you kiss me at Amira’s party because you loved me? Or because you felt like you should?” he asks, staring at the floor. I twist my hands in my lap, “I don’t know,” I whisper.  
“I kissed you because I’m in love with you. I never stopped loving you. But you, I don’t know, Hanna. If we’re being honest, I think you’re just scared of being alone. I mean, you just latch onto people. Me, Mia, Stefan, as if you’re terrified of not being someone’s number one. You know,” he looks at me now, his eyes teary and his voice vicious: “you just use people, Hanna. I don’t think you know how to be alone for more than five minutes. You’ll walk out of here, you’ll call Mia, for a week you’ll be all ‘girl power this, girls crew that’ and then you’ll find some new guy, and you’ll disappear.”  
I taste salt when I open my mouth to respond, but I’m too choked up to say anything. I just sit there, his words echoing in my head.  
“So if this is it, then go, but I’m fucking tired, Hanna.”  
I nod, “Yeah,” I stand up, “Yeah, this is it,” My voice is stronger than I thought I was capable of. I leave.

I shut the door and stand on the street while I try to process what just happened. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath. A cool October wind crosses my face and I smile. Walking home I feel lighter than I have in a very long time.

SONNTAG 12:13

The buzzing of my phone wakes me up, blurry eyed I check the caller ID.  
“Hey, papa,” I say, trying to mask the sleepiness in my voice.  
“Hey, did I wake you?” he asks.  
“Uh, yeah, yeah but that’s ok, whats up?” I sit up and rub my eyes.  
“I just wanted to ask if you and Jonas were gonna make it to family dinner tonight,” My stomach plummets as I remember yesterday. I don’t say anything.  
“Hanna?”  
“Um, yeah, I don’t think we’ll make it today, sorry.”  
“Come on, Hanna, it’s one day a week, I’d really appreciate it if you could put a little effort into coming to see us-”  
“Yeah, I know, I know, I’m sorry.” I interrupt, putting a hand on my forehead, “its just, um, Jonas and I actually broke up, and I’m just not in the mood for it today, if that’s ok,” its his turn for a silence. I bite my lip, I guess it really is real now. We broke up. Saying it out loud hurts less than I thought it would, it feels right. I feel guilty about that.  
“Oh, Hanna, I’m sorry süße,” he says eventually, “do you… want to talk about it?”  
“No,” I give a short laugh, “thank you, but I’m ok. Listen, I’ll come to dinner next Sunday, I promise,”  
“Ok, sweetheart, call if you need anything, see you then,”  
“Bye, love you,” I say hanging up and letting myself fall back onto my bed. My phone buzzes, it’s the girls group chat.

Sam:  
Anyone have plans for tonight??? 

I turn my phone off. I need a day.

MONTAG 14:05

I ring the doorbell at the WG and Matteo answers. I dread seeing him as I walk up the stairs, I imagine him glaring at me, or saying something snide. He gives me a hug.  
“You ok?” he asks, “it sounded pretty rough,”  
“Jonas talked about it with you?” I ask, surprised. Last time we broke up Jonas wasn’t exactly the most open with how he was doing. Matteo shakes his head,  
“Not so much, hence why I’m saying it sounded pretty rough,” he smiles empathetically. Sam and Mia laugh in the living room, Kiki calls out to me asking what’s taking me so long. I gesture down the hall, “I should go,” Matteo nods and touches my arm as I walk past “I’m not choosing sides, Hanna, let me know if you need anything.”  
“Thanks” I tell him, trying not to tear up as he disappears into the kitchen.

“My boss is this really kick ass tiny old french woman with like, short grey hair, and amazing cardigans and when I make a mistake shes like ‘ahhh ma petite!’” Sam says getting up and putting her hands on the sides of her face in fake horror.  
“I’m sure you never make any mistakes though,” Amira jokes.  
“Of course!” sam says sitting back down, “I know exactly how everything works,”  
“That sounds really good though,” Mia says softly, “have you found you finally found your passion?”  
“Yeah, I think so. My true love!”  
“What about you, Hanna Banana? Any plans for after your gap year?” Amira nudges me.  
“Can I just take another gap year?” I ask, hiding my face in the crook of my arm.  
“Oh Han, you’ll figure it out,” Mia puts a hand on my shoulder. I know she’s just trying to help, but coming from the girl studying at her dream university who’s about to move in with her longterm boyfriend, I can’t help but feel like she has no idea what she’s talking about. “Yeah,” I say, “I know.” 

I haven't told them about Jonas, they would try to be sympathetic, and i don't want sympathy.  
“Hanna?” Sam pulls me out of my thoughts, “you good?” before I have to answer the door bell rings, I jump up to answer it. I don’t recognise the voice on the speaker, “Hey, this is David’s roommate, I forgot my key and he told me to come here?” I buzz her in.  
“David?” I call out.  
“Was that Sol?” he asks sticking his head around the door.  
“Your roommate?”  
“Hey,” She says and I turn around to see a girl with stocky bright purple hair and round, gold rimmed glasses with a gold ring in the left side of her nose to match. She’s the kind of girl you’d assume David and Laura would have as a roommate.  
“Hanna this is Sol, Sol, Hanna,” David introduces us and she smiles, holding a hand out for me to shake. She has a ring in the shape of a coiled snake on her pinkie and a tattoo of lavender on the inside of her wrist.  
“Hi,” I say, suddenly feeling shy.  
“Who was it?” Mia asks.  
“My roommate, she needed a key,” David responds.  
“Does she want Pizza? We were just ordering some,” Sam shouts. We look at Sol,  
“Pizza?” I ask, and I don’t know why but I hope she stays.  
“yeah, ok.” She shrugs.

FREITAG 20:32

We eat the pizza in the living room, Kiki and Mia sit straight backed on opposite ends of the sofa, unaware of their own symmetry. Sam and Hans talk animatedly about Billy Porter. David and Matteo curl into each other on one arm chair, David tracing circles in Matteo’s unruly hair. It makes my heart hurt, thinking about the old Matteo who would sit on the edge of everything, miserable and drunk or stoned out of his mind. He’s so happy now, I wish I could go back and tell him how happy he is. I feel a hand on my arm, Amira asks if I'm ok. i say Im going to get a glass of water.

I let the water run over my hand, waiting for it to cool. I don't move once it has. Theres something calming about the sound and feeling of the water as it rushes from tap. “Not exactly environmentally friendly, that.” Startled, I turn to see Sol standing in the door. I dry my hand on my skirt, “Yeah,” I laugh awkwardly, “guess not,”  
"Do you know where the glasses are?" she asks, coming into the kitchen and looking around.  
"Uh, yeah, I'll get it," I say, remembering what it is I'm doing here. I fill two glasses and hand one to her. She thanks me, I don't say anything. I just nod, feeling redness creeping into my cheeks. She looks like she's going to say something when Kiki comes in, asking if I'll help her carry glasses out for the others. Sol says she should probably get going, and that Laura is home now so she won't need to take David's key. 

I notice a scrap of paper on the ground after she leaves. I turn it around to see a small rose, sketched with biro. I don't know why, but I keep it.


End file.
